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when hope goes wrong.

June 3, 2015 Sara Smith
when hope goes wrong.

Sometimes I find myself in a desperate kind of wrestle with hope.  

I'm hoping for certain things to happen in my life.  Certain success, certain acceptance, certain love.  But they are slow in coming, and I begin to fear they will never come at all.  Questions of what I can do better, regrets that things aren't different and nagging thoughts that I just don't have what it takes to do this flood my mind and sink my spirits.

My logical response, of course, is to wrap my arms tightly around my hopes.  To bring them in nice and snug. 

Next thing I know, my legs have come to the aid of my arms, and now I am fully committed to this bear hug of hope.  

So here we all are.  Me.  My hopes.  My dreams.   Stuck together like glue.  

Tangled up so bad none of us are going anywhere.  

And that's just it.  None of us are going anywhere.  

I'm too busy clinging and clutching that I don't realize I'm squeezing the life right out of them.  And they are so smothered that they have no room to grow or to take flight.  

To brighten or evolve. 

Hope can be a beautiful thing.  But when mixed with fear, hope has the potential to twist into something ugly.  It can become obsessive and possessive and controlling.

Everyone always says, "Don't lose hope."  But what I desperately need alongside of hope, and what I cannot afford to lose, is trust.

A trust that there is something greater that rises above the roar and static of this life and all its hopes.  A trust in the God I follow, that He knows well how to take care of and guide my hopes.  

I need this kind of trust to mingle in with my hope because hope doesn't always turn out the way I want it to.  My hopes may not turn out at all. And I don't want to crumble if they don't.

Trust safely removes my hopes from the reach of my crushing fingers and takes them outside where there is plenty of room to fly.

Trust relaxes my arms so that they can instead work toward achieving instead of stifling.

Trust gives me the freedom to dream as big as I want and the security to be okay if reality turns out to be something different or something smaller.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately, and I'll admit, I'm really struggling with being able to trust as I hope.  

It's so hard to do.  And I want things so badly to turn out how I hope.  I hope this little blog of mine will one day be much bigger.  I hope I can learn to be confident in this being a stay-at-home mom thing.  I hope my daughter will grow up knowing and loving God.  I hope we can save enough money to go on a nice, long vacation sometime soon (hopefully really soon).  And eventually, I hope to actually have green grass in our backyard.

Some hopes are loftier than others.

I know it's good to hope.  It gives us vision and motivation and something to work hard for.  I also know that not all hopes come to fruition.  But with trust, I won't lose to fear all of the joy and contentment that can be had along this journey, no matter what happens.   

If I can learn to let it, trust has the power to change my relationship with hope from an awkward, controlling bear hug into a sweet embrace.  

"...but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint." - Isaiah 40:31

In gaining wisdom Tags life lesson, hope, trust, fear, faith, God
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Feathers & Roots | blog about motherhood and faith

Hi there, I'm Sara!  

Mama bird to 2 little ladies + Wife + Saved by grace.

This is where I share my stories of  motherhood and faith. 

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@sarasmith1021

This is what happens when I try to get a nice photo with both of my daughters...๐Ÿ˜ฉ๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜˜ #threenager
โค๏ธโค๏ธ
Happy 30th birthday to this guy! Weโ€™ve known each other since we were 18, and itโ€™s amazing to think back on all the life weโ€™ve lived together since then. Who knew this boy I๏ธ happened to sit next to on a park bench my freshman year in college was going to be my husband, best friend and father of my children. Happy birthday, love, I๏ธโ€™m so excited to see what this year will hold. โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ
P.s.- I๏ธ wanted to throw him a Thirty, Flirty and Thriving party but he didnโ€™t share my enthusiasm for that idea...๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜ฌ(Major ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ™Œ to you if you get my reference. ๐Ÿ˜˜) P.p.s.- I๏ธ know Iโ€™ve taken a lot of time away from here, and I๏ธ would like to share about that at some point...Iโ€™m very much still figuring out how I๏ธ feel about being here in a healthy way. But for now I๏ธ thought it would be okay to share this sweet photo and take a minute to celebrate my hubby. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐ŸŽ‰
A very, very belated birthday photo. Can't believe my first baby is 3 already, and in one year I'll be 30... ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜ญโค๏ธ๐ŸŽ‰
I debated over posting this but decided that the perspectives and wisdom in this book are way too good not to share, and so here I am. I've been pretty absent on here lately, and I'd like to be really honest with why in the hope that if any of you share my struggles, you will find encouragement and peace in what's true and also in knowing that you aren't alone. 
I've struggled badly, in every way possible I think, as a result of using this little app in an unhealthy way. Insecurity, comparison, envy, loneliness, rejection, obsessing over growing a following, depression, confusion over what true community looks like here(and if it's even possible), checking my phone over and over again to see my comments and likes, snapping at my kids for interrupting me, ignoring my husband, anxiety over which photo to post...the list goes on. You name it, I've felt it. And I'm really tired. I've experienced firsthand that life can be lonely and tedious, and sometimes we feel like our lives won't matter or be seen unless they're recorded here and lots of people like and comment on them. And I've also experienced firsthand that this way of seeking validation has not in any way been worth the amount of energy I have put into it. It's never given me the peace and satisfaction I've been looking for because our worth as human beings was never meant to be reduced to such levels when there is a God who gives us a worth and meaning beyond words. 
So I've decided to take a huge step back from social media...not sure for how long...but I want to figure out how to be here in a way that is healthy and meaningful, that brings joy to myself and others, that maintains authenticity and ultimately points to the One who brings true peace and satisfaction to all our desires. Instagram will never fill us. It will never validate us. No human praise or affection ever will.  No amount of followers or brand collabs or photo features or free stuff or complimentary comments or Follow Fridays ever will. If these words hit a nerve with you, I can't recommend this book enough. Thank you @tonyreinke for allowing God to speak wisdom through you. (Post continued in comments....๐Ÿ‘‡)
Now that Nora is walking, she's been feeling pretty good about herself (lots of increased levels of exuberance and feistiness going on over here๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ™ˆ ) And so I call this the power stance. โœŠ๏ธ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ˜œ

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