It's been a little while since my last post. Rain plus one sick Evie plus writer's block does not make a productive combination.
Somehow the times when Evie gets sick, which occur every month or so, coincide perfectly with my existential crises. After about the second day of sickness, I start wondering just what exactly is my purpose in life. I start feeling like my days are meaningless. That everything is meaningless. That life is just one big meaningless mess under the sun.
And then I realize that, you know, maybe what I need to do is get out of the house. Or have a conversation with an adult female friend. Or open my front door and see the light of day for a few minutes.
And I should definitely stop eating so many sour gummy worms.
Perhaps not all hope is lost, I just have a sick child.
I mean, look at this poor little face.
So I try to move on, take care of my baby and not take myself so seriously.
Here are some things that help:
-Lilo & Stitch. Evie loves this movie. Especially when the Elvis songs come on or the songs where they sing in Hawaiian. Sometimes when she's real into it, she scoots closer to the tv and starts moving her little hands up and down and bouncing to the beat (this is more common when she doesn't have a fever).
- Snuggles. Because Evie doesn't ever want to snuggle me unless she is feverish. So I have to take my snuggles when I can get them and seize these rare opportunities with gusto.
- Lowering my expectations. The reality is that life is just going to be on hold for a few days. That's ok.
- Being aware that the feelings of hopelessness and purposelessness I may be experiencing have nothing to do with actual reality.
- Grace. With myself and with Evie because we can both be grumpy pants during these times.
And then, thank goodness, her fever breaks and we go outside and see some friends and life isn't spiraling out of control like I thought it was.
What about you? What makes you feel this way and how do you get back to what's true? New perspectives can be refreshing when I find myself all tangled up in my own.